This is a public service announcement I’m about to say some things that are going to endear me to white people and power. And I’m not saying these things to endear me to white people and white power, but it’s a fact that when Niggas critique the behavior of other supposedly morally suspect Niggas, white [...]
Ether. I light a candle as I walk in the workshed because George Bush is afraid of the dark. George Bush will be huddled in the corner of a closet in the workshed, chained at the ankles and wrists. “Come out, George Bush,” I tell him. “Eat some of these pickled pig feet with me.” [...]
Ether. Guns have been pulled on my head and chest three times in my life — once by a white undercover cop, once by a Nigga who was trying to rob me and once by a relative who really loves me more than life. I’ve only been able to write about one of those experiences. [...]
Ether? I made $22,000 my first year as an adjunct professor. That was almost double the $10,400 I made as a Graduate student at Indiana University, so in my mind, the $22,000 was Nigga rich. Now I make a lot more money and sometimes I convince myself that I am really Nigga rich. The problem [...]
Ether. … Maybe Janks Morton and them are right and Niggas are actively blaming our failures on white racism. Maybe we are waiting for the world to be pure of racism before applying ourselves. And maybe the key to moving into a post-race era is to revisit times in our lives where we actually were [...]
Ether. Janks Morton has a Double Deez Nuts Name (the kind of name you fully understand when you hear it yet you can’t believe someone actually has a name like that in real life). And it’s a shame that such a dope Double Deez Nuts Name is wasted on Morton because this Nigga Janks is [...]
Ether. I used to have more friends. Anyone who has been my friend knows two things about me. 1. I have invented a ton of rhetorical phrases and styles that you hear on television, movies, music and literature. 2. There is no proof to my claim of inventing a ton of rhetorical phrases and styles [...]
Ether. I started thinking tonight about what it means to congratulate yourself for being a black male feminist when I checked out the Essence 50 Single Men issue. Have you seen it? It’s the one with Usher on the cover looking like a Muppet Pig or a lightweight Cyclops. Anyway, there’s this part where they [...]
Ether. With the exception of the white folk on TV, White Jesus was the only white character I remember from my childhood in Mississippi. On especially boring Sundays, I used to wonder if White Jesus felt lonely watching us march in like penguins, sweaty thighs, armpits insulated by creased black suits shining like armor, [...]
Ether. (pre-speech comments from Barack Obama at last night’s NAACP convention in Cincinnati.) Ya’ll see the New Yorker cover of Michelle and me looking like some straight militants from the Republic of New Afrika? We get the irony, New Yorker, but I’m trying to win a Presidency while you bullshittin’. All that shit is going [...]